Please, ask me what I’m up to this illustrious morning. I’ll tell you–trying to get a replacement Dell computer. Ask me why? Cuz the new one I just bought broke. It was a total hard drive failure… the SECOND one I’ve had in as many Dell computers as I’ve had. That’s two for you English majors.

I get on the phone with technical support, and travel virtually all over the world– India, Philippines… what a travel Diva! They all tell me that I am speaking to the wrong person and need to be transferred. They all, without exception, HANG UP ON ME!

Unbelievable. Now I try to do this thang online. Funny how my old, ancient computer can’t handle all their flashy graphics. It takes forever to load Hell.com, oh, I mean Dell, and when I finally get the privilege of entering my service tag (god forbid one does anything with Dell without a query for numerical information ten minutes long), it tells me, and I quote:

“Our records indicate that your service tag belongs to a system that was purchased outside the United States.”

Excuse me? I live in California!

I’m still on hold right now, their heavy-on-the-xylophone wait music pounding into my brain…

Lord, saints preserve us– they just hung up on me AGAIN trying to transfer me to a supervisor… I’m SO gonna get you, SUCKA!